Trees are getting visibly yellower, oranger, redder. Night is encroaching upon the day. I do my evening walks in the twilight. Tonight, I was doing it in a company of a handsome silvery moon. A waning or a waxing crescent – I can’t tell. I am now thinking of the moon as the grandmother, no doubt under the influence of Haudenosaunnee stories. grandmother accompanied me on my walk tonight, I loved catching glimpses of her over the roofs and in the bald patches between the trees.

This is the first time in my memory that I am feeling good after organizing a big event. Usually, at times like this I am in dopamine withdrawal – simultaneously exhausted and racing in my own head, reenacting every conversation, my every gesture, berating myself for being too loud or too much or trying too hard to be liked. Today, I feel different. I feel present, embodied, unashamed and unafraid. Unafraid of what? Of being seen, I guess, of being liked or appreciated, of being deserving. I finally felt, looking at how I showed up and how I am that I like that person, I enjoy being her, I can’t wait to see what else she has in store, what she will give to the world. What an amazing feeling.