I would not be able to describe the scent of a rose, but when I pass by my neighbours’ house, I know their white roses are in bloom before I see them. My body knows more than my head wants to admit or process. I am trying to listen. Why, at a time when I should feel content, when everything is going my way, do I feel so discouraged and withdrawn? Where does this overwhelming need to protect myself coming from? And what do I do with it? One thing is clear: I am looking for an open door somewhere, away from my work and away from my marriage. Where will I find it? And when I do, how will I recognize it and trust enough to go through?