The photo is actually from yesterday. I felt so tired today, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I think I’ve accepted that these days are inevitable, that my battery is bound to run low at some point, especially if I don’t recharge by being outside or physical activity. And even if I do. I think I found a better way of making through these days by being very gentle with myself, breathing, making every effort slow and deliberate.

I also noticed that when I’m tired, I fall back onto my old automatic reactions. I whine, blame, snap and forget little gestures of self-care. I scroll, mindlessly, repeatedly and unnecessarily. It is as if I was disconnecting from myself. Maya would say: when you notice that you do this, call yourself back home. Breathe, stretch, walk, stop, run. Running helped tonight. The pure heady joy of moving through darkening evening, of hitting the ground, of feeling my limbs, light and strong, of feeling my arms, propelling my body forward, my back – leaning forward than leaning back, making space, my lips stretching in a grin, head jerking when a good song comes up on the playlist. I am back home, baby, I feel lighter. I can’t believe the streetlights are already on at eight o’clock. We are dressing into darkness, baby, into long twilights and early bedtimes, into another winter of waiting for another spring. I felt it tonight and I accepted it.