There is no picture for the day, although the peonies are everywhere and the sunset was a beautiful peach colour. I’ve been good at keeping my morning yoga routine for the past three days and this morning I took it outside, under the green canopy. It’s funny how priorities change. The two things that preoccupy me most these days are finding a therapist and a yoga practice.

I think I am getting better at acknowledging my feelings and somatic responses and engaging with them without being swallowed by them. What I feel now with regard to my work is foremost lack of joy and lack of feeling. I think two things are happening: I get increasingly frustrated with constant and casual appropriation of my knowledge and ideas – this robs me of intellectual satisfaction of having produced and shared knowledge. The other side of it is constant squeezing, urgency and scarcity that robs my work of joy and meaning. I do not know what to do with it.

MA said today that I have to be ready for people to be resistant and unsettled by my work. Although I did not know how to respond at the moment, I call bs. Nothing in my work is particularly radical or unsettling, nothing is novel, but the people who gave themselves right to judge it have no intellectual capacity or interest to engage or learn beyond surface level. And I no longer want to subject myself to their judgment.

Something else I thought today: I am no longer willing to engage in non-reciprocal relationships. I am no longer willing to share my knowledge and to do emotional labour for no recognition.

It’s time to set boundaries.