What sustains me through these days and weeks and wandering, trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be next, with whom and how, are connections. My connections to other people and my connections to the living world. I’ve learned how to be with people without expecting anything beyond what we can give each other here and now. It’s the same as being with the world. The forest does not expect anything from me, neither do the birds, the orange sunsets or the silky young leaves. I witness their awakening and, in their own way, they witness mine. We are enough for each other. I am learning to do the same with people over cups of coffee and conversations over zoom. Just be there, be with, the rest will figure itself out, as it always does.

I am so tired, but I feel nothing but love. I fell held and surrounded by my communities. I’ve always marvelled at people who spent all their lives in the same place, who still had their childhood friends. I always wondered what it would feel like to be so connected, rooted and known. But it will never be me. Instead, I have many foster communities. I may not be native there, but I am still welcome and this too is enough.