The day is sunny, but cold because of an icy wind. Still, we walk to and from school and I try to go outside every minute free of meetings.

I feel tired and unwilling to move, think or talk for most of the day. However, it’s the day of the kickoff of the grantee cohort and I have to be present. Turns out, being tired and out of sorts doesn’t stop me from holding space for others. Maybe, because in this diminished state I take up less space myself. Feeling less energy, I don’t fidget or show my impatience, I don’t get upset when conversation goes overtime or when we miss things on the agenda, I don’t overanalyse. I’m just happy to do the best I could and decide that this is enough.

Strangely, everyone loves the meeting and my teammates comment on how seen and liberated they felt. The day left a good taste in my mouth. I felt tired and lowkey, but not exhausted. I felt enough. Or maybe I felt ok with not being enough. Maybe, as it often happens, the signal I’ve sent to the universe is resonating back to me. I said that I wanted to learn to let go and lo and behold, I am learning.

Thank you