Every week, for the past three weeks, someone in my family has had a medical emergency and I have to admit that it has put me a little over the edge. Today, I was not ok and when I am not ok I easily slip into the old overactive, paranoid, demanding pattern. I need rest, but even more than rest I need to feel seen. I need people, well, not all people, but some to see that I am trying and that it’s hard to do without support network. I need someone ask me how I am doing without expecting a cookie-cutter answer. And oh, I stumbled upon this random meme that said something about reciprocating energy and it resonated – I need my energy to be reciprocated. That’s all.

It was +8 today. As we were driving to emergency clinic, we saw almost no snow on the side of the road, just dirty April-looking grass. And it felt like early April too – humid and windy with not a hint of winter in the air. I decided to walk my daughter home after school – we were walking through the mud and flakes and dirty melting snow so uncharacteristic for February. I am really scared to think about what this early spring signifies for this summer and on a longer scale for our future.